he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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