I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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