How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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