watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
