Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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