im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
