maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
