Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
