People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
