we have officially lost it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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