batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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