if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
