then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize