can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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