matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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