That's intense
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
