u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
