I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
