my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
