she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
