you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
