That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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