Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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