He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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