I got chris browned last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
