Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
