She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
