video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
