So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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