She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
