Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
