Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
