All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
