Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
