just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
