Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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