You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
