i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
