i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm too high and old for this...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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