tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
