Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
