I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
