I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
