I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
