what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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