I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize