i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
