Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
COCAINE IS GR8
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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