I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
