3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
love makes seman taste better
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am one with the molecules
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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