he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
