He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
