you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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