I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I supernannyed him into submission
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
