Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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