did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
