why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
