But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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