There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize