I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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