I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
