I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
