just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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