this just has baby written all over it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
