fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What a dumb baby whore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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