someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
