dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
